Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
