shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
