someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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