we made out on top of his cat.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
