i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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