It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
