My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize