I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
