Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
