end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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