i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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