Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
