ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
