dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
