Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
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you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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