He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
