so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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