the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
