Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the day after is always just damage control
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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