The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
