so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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