2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
