Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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