Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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