'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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