can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm at about main and main street
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
