I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
