his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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