I wish I could punch you in the face.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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