sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
