I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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