...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Panties = found
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
