Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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