How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
