how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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