bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
