just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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