She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
