If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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