just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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