We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
