I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
