Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
