my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize