I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
