come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
