based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
