living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
