i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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