he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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