Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
