Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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