last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
