i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
