it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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