Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
