Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
