fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
