i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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