He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
