Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
