cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
