i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
