i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
