Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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