Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
