ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
